Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
