Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
