according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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