one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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