What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
