Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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