i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
