People in love make me want to vomit
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize