i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
