My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
