This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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