I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
