The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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