Dual....:-)
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
