I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
