I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
