I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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