Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
this boner is exhausting
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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