I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize