i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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