True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
