I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
