Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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