if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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