You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is the high leading the old right now
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
