Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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