It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
