Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
