Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
