just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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