hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
