her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
