he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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