I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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