sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
