4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
