You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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