is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
