How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
