YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I want to fling myself into the sun
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
