but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
