When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hippo gnu deer
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
