dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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