I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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