Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
