So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
