I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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