So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
