he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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