That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
