Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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