can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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